How we met Rabbi Singer, zt’l
About forty years ago we were living in West Orange. The rabbi of our shul helped Rafael find a chavrusa for learning Gemara at the Rabbinical College of America in Morristown which was nearby. After several months Rafael’s chavrusa outgrew this yeshiva and transferred to Lubavitch’s main yeshiva at ‘770’. Nobody else there had the time or skills as excellent as this particular bachur so for a while Rafael had no chavrusa. A short time later we received a mailing from Ohr Someach (then in Monsey) saying that if one needed a chavrusa or shiur in the North Jersey/Rockland County area they could arrange it. Rafael contacted them and a few months later Rabbi Singer called and spoke to Rafael. Rabbi Singer introduced himself as Cantor Shlomo Singer from Passaic. He described the learning as a small group of men that met every Tuesday night in his basement (his garage was still a garage!). He described the method of learning as emphasizing what was the Gemara saying, asking and answering, using the commentaries to determine this. Rafael said he was willing to attend and ‘try it out’. And he hasn’t stopped going!
Rebbe and Mentor
Throughout the years Rabbi Singer zt”l provided valuable and insightful advice on how to deal with life’s many uncertainties. This was particularly helpful when raising our children. His advice was always on target and many times delivered in an upbeat or humorous way. As one example when our children entered shidduchim we asked him how to present to shadchanim and references inquiring about our children the fact that we (Sheila and Rafael) are baalei teshuva. He answered there was no need to mention this! Why even bring it up? Rather if asked about our background we should reply that we grew up in very traditional homes (which was the case).
Torah is the Real Refuah
When we were living in West Orange we befriended a gentlemen who was a divorced man with custody of his young son. He lived with his parents in Verona and made the 2-3 mile trek to shul every Shabbos morning. He occasionally spent Shabbos with us. After a while he began to go with Rafael to Rabbi Singer’s shiurim which he greatly liked. He confided in us that the divorce affected both him and his son emotionally and they were both seeing mental health
professionals. However this man confided to Rafael that this didn’t seem to be that beneficial. Further he stopped attending the shiurim. Rafael asked Rabbi Singer for some advice on this. The Rosh Yeshiva’s reply was: “Of course his son and him should receive professional help but the ultimate refuah is limud haTorah”. Rafael then suggested to this man that going back to the learning might help him to ‘relax’ and take his mind off his problems for at least some of the time. Indeed in a few weeks he told Rafael that the therapy for his son and him was now helping. Several months later he remarried (and then moved to a city in the Midwest).
Who Are the Real Rabbis?
On one Shabbos many years back Rabbi Singer and Rafael were walking to St Mary’s Hospital to visit one of Rabbi Singer’s talmidim. Rafael mentioned to the Rosh Yeshiva that it was outside of visiting hours for ‘regular’ people whereas for Rabbi Singer this was not an issue since he was ‘clergy’. Rabbi Singer replied with great emotion: “If Reform and Conservative ‘rabbis’ who perhaps learn a few daf Gemara in their lifetimes can call themselves rabbis; you who learns Gemara consistently and in depth can rightfully be considered a rabbi!”
One Day We’ll Have Our Own Place
When we moved to Passaic Rabbi Singer insisted we join and daven at the Adas Israel. When Rafael would walk there on Shabbos morning he would invariably meet up with Rabbi Singer. While walking to shul the Rosh Yeshiva would frequently share his vision of having his own building to house a yeshiva offering high level learning for Jews of all backgrounds.
Rabbi Singer: “It Will Work Out”
When we moved to Passaic Sheila was very concerned that she would have to go to work and leave our children in the care of others. In West Orange we received more help from the schools because it was a more affluent community. Rabbi Singer assured her that everything would work out ok and he was right. We took in a boarder connected to Rabbi Singer and Sheila was able to find good childcare when she started working.
Shidduchim Advice
When our children started shidduchim Rebbitzen Singer gave Sheila excellent advice. She told her a key thing to look for is that the person is excited about doing mitzvahs.